Talking about confidence

[chrisvenus]

I read something that suggested that finding out more about confidence from the point of view of others was helpful to building your own self-confidence. So here we go. I am at times very un-confident in myself so I am going to ask a few questions to get people going on the subject. If you want to add in more comments or questions then feel free. I have a vague feeling I did something similar before but now I'm copying from a book so it will be much better. Anonymous posting welcome if you don't want to put your name to your answers. :)

1) What do you think confidence is?

2) Where does confidence come from?

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?


I will try to put up my own answers later but I don't have time right now.

Comments

[undyingking.livejournal.com]

but now I'm copying from a book so it will be much better

Are you sure you're going into this with the right attitude? ;-)

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is? Not caring what other people think of you.

2) Where does confidence come from? A self-deluding arrogance.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident? no such thing

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not? you can't. last night i had my heart broken at the realisation that someone i considered supremely confident was in fact breaking inside, and there was nothing i could do.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident? if i notice, i like to think i'd try to bring them out of themself; otherwise, they might come across as boring i suppose.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident? hell no.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident? acting like you don't care what people say versus actually not caring; i find if you do the former often enough, the latter follows on behind.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

1) Accurate assessment of your own abilities.
2) Practice. Every time you believe you can do something and you turn out to be right, it reinforces your sense of what you are capable of.
3) Me. :-)
4) It can be hard, actually. Because some people talk the talk but are actually quite nervous and/or overcautious in practice.
5) It doesn't bother me. Some of my favourite people are not remotely confident. Where possible (and appropriate) I try to help them see more clearly what they are capable of, but it's difficult to make progress.
6) Potentially misleading question. For me, confidence doesn't mean thinking you can do things which you can't. And nor does it mean forcing yourself to do things or pretending skills you don't have. So yes, a confident person feels confident almost by definition, but that doesn't mean such a person walks through life with a feeling of constant invincibility.
7) Acting confident has nothing whatsoever to do with being confident. It's just an act.

[lanfykins.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
An accurate understanding of your own abilities.

2) Where does confidence come from?
Inside yourself.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
Not offhand, no.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
People who aren't confident tend to either put down their own work/themselves so that others cannot, or to put their work/themselves on a high, high pedestal, as if trying to convince themselves.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
Normally, I feel as if I should help boost their confidence.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
Does anyone ever always feel anything?

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
Ooh, that's a good one.

In response, Shakespeare.

Assume a virtue, if you have it not.
That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat,
Of habits devil, is angel yet in this,
That to the use of actions fair and good
He likewise gives a frock or livery,
That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night,
And that shall lend a kind of easiness
To the next abstinence: the next more easy;
For use almost can change the stamp of nature

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

Excellent quote.

In freemasonry, we talk about developing 'the habit of virtue' - ie that to develop a virtuous *nature* you start off with virtuous *acts* - you don't have to feel a virtue to act in accordance with it, and acting in accordance with it eventually results in that virtue being a part of your nature.

[(Anonymous)]

1) What do you think confidence is?

I think confidence is the ability to carry yourself with ease, to place your worries and troubles into a place in your mind so that you may continue your daily life, and do your job without concern. I think that confidence is the ability to do somethings, and do it well. To recognise that you are capable, useful and balanced.

2) Where does confidence come from?

Confidence comes from a sum of things: experience that can be drawn from, common sense that is applied, self worth that is respected and an attitude that acts as both shield and weapon.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

I cannot.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

In a stressful situtation or in a social situation, you will find those who seem to float along. These are the ones who can take the hit and still sail on, these are the ones who can take criticism, work on it and come back. A person is confident not because they can be loud or the life of the party, but because they are able to function without need of praise or ceasing because they have run into trouble.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

I feel worried. Often I see myself and my own worries and concerns reflected back at myself. I wonder what I can do to help them, and therefore in the long run help myself. In the coldest sense I see them as experiments. People I can try out various coping methods out upon, and discover if they will be successful or not before I attempt to apply that to myself. However, conciously I know that that is pointless since no-one will react as I will. I am a coward in the face of others that remind me of myself.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

No. It is impossible to keep up this level of confidence at all times, as I have defined it. Everyone needs down time.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

Being confident means that you can function without need of praise, and can continue to function despite critisim. This means in a social situation or indeed in the work situation.

The nature of my job does require me to appear to be more confident that I actually am. It helps, but only because it helps me to do my job. In this, acting confident only puts off the inevitable crash at the end of the day when I cannot cope any longer.


I hope that this has help.

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

I'm not great with confidence either, so I'm looking forward to seeing others' responses.

1) What do you think confidence is?
I think you can use the word to apply to more than one thing. I suppose the first thing that comes to mind is a feeling of faith in your abilities. But I think people that you would describe as confident can differ in the quality that you are naming. For some, it's that it genuinely doesn't occur to them that things might go wrong, and that they 'feel good about themselves'. For others, they might feel nervous but have a kind of faith that they can handle things, which keeps them steady. Perhaps, broadly, it's the tendency to consider your influence over your life as greater than the world's influence over your life - to rate your ability to cope as greater than the world's ability to throw crap at you - in the same way that (studies show, yada yada) optimists attribute their successes to their own abilities and their failures to change, while pessimists attribute their successes to chance and their failures to a lack of ability.

2) Where does confidence come from?
There are too many levels on which you can answer that question. You could answer it in terms of 'triggers' for a feeling of confidence - eg, someone pays you a compliment, and you then feel more confident, or you remember a past success, and then feel more confident. That is an answer for a temporary feeling of confidence. You could also answer it with regard to an ongoing personality trait of confidence, in which case the obvious answer is the cliched one - from 'within'. You could answer it psychoanalytically and say that it comes from childhood experiences which gave you consistent evidence for your ability to handle things. I guess what I'm saying is that I think it's a pretty meaningless question, because the terms used are too woolly.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
I don't believe anyone is *completely* confident. I've met people who seemed incredibly, consistently confident, but even they tend to have one area that they feel insecure in.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
That depends entirely what you mean by 'confident'. I'm not helping much, am I dad?

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
Awkward. Two socially unconfident people together is a bad combinaton.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
Of course not. Honestly.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
It's very fuzzy and overlapping. Sometimes there's no practical difference. Sometimes there is a difference of feeling - *feeling* confident is qualitatively different from *acting* confident, though acting confident can lead to you feeling confident. Fake it till you make it, baby.

[vilenspotens.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
A public face that you shown for long enough to start believing it yourself. Or possibly a sheer stubborn will.

2) Where does confidence come from?
Lots and lots of practice. Regular sex helps :)

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
Nope. We all have issues.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
Only if you really know them well enough to judge all their moods.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
Busy.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident? Nope, and usually a hell of a lot less than they show.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
Being confident means you are less likely to break down somewhere anyone can see you. Acting confident means that sometimes the cracks show as no one is that good an actor.

[bateleur.livejournal.com]

Regular sex helps

Regular satisfaction of any human need helps. It's hard to feel confident if you haven't eaten for a week.

[neoanjou.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
The ability to think that you will be able to deal with any situation which presents itself in a manner in which later you can take pride, or at least deal with any situation in an appropriate manner.

2) Where does confidence come from?
Having a solid basis to fall back / call upon - family, frienship, financial. Also having a broad range of experiences such that it helps one to be able to cope with whatever life with throw at you.
For instance I'm more confident this year since I'm a little better off, and I don't fear going places and doing things because my credit card can always get me home.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
Nope.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
Whether they have the ability to make descisions quickly with few regrets, as no matter what happens a confident person believes in their ability to deal with the consequences.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
It can be difficult, especially if it makes them fail to take decisions.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
I'd like to think that I'm a confident person, and no, I don't always feel confident - often in a situation I haven't experienced before and which may potentially have a long term impact on something I care about.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
Externally? Probably nothing, however internaly a person who is only acting confident will spend time regreting their mistakes than a person who is genuinely confident.

[joe-smoke.livejournal.com]

1) The sense of forcefulness that comes from believing in your capability to handle a situation.
2) I agree with bateleur here. It comes from the reinforcement of belief by empirical results.
3) Complete confidence is contingent on a believe that one possesses the capacity to adequately deal with any outcome. This being the case then only a perfect being would justifiably have complete confidence. However one could be un-justifiably confident- hence I'd allow that someone who was seriously delusional could also possess such a quality.
4) Well it depends on how good an actor they are for one thing. Generally one can test confidence by raising the stakes of a situation and seeing whether they'll back down; ideally you offer them an out so that they don't lose face in doing so. Pride can easily force someone to keep bluffing.
5) Depends on what my relationship to them is. If they're a friend then I'll want them to be more confident in life- it's a good feeling after all. If they're someone I need to rely on, then obviously their lack of confidence is concerning since they may well have a more accurate assessment of the situation than I do. If they're someone in conflict with me then its an opening to be exploited.
6) A confident person is simply one who is generally confident in life. There will occasionally be situations that realistically they won't be able to feel confident in approaching, but these will be exceptions rather than the norm.
7) Acting confident is a social gambit to attempt to assume the perks available to the genuinely confident. Actual confidence isn't a gambit, it's a state of mind.

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

It comes from the reinforcement of belief by empirical results.

I think this is an oversimplified view. For example, I have plenty of evidence of my own beliefs, but am not particularly confident. My confidence improves, it's true, as the evidence grows, but not as much as it should. That, I think, is due to a lack of confidence instilled in childhood - in the same way that if you miss the language spurt in your eearly years you'll never quite be able to make up for it, or if you never throw a ball as a child you'll never be a great tennis player.

It's also possible it's partly genetic, of course, as a surprising number of personality traits are.

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

1) Confidence is a mask to be put on when needed. It's walking in to the room and pretending I assume that everyone in it is going to like me instead of hating me. It's prentending I don't think I'm just on the verge of fucking everything up beyond all hope of return.
Social confidence - the mask I wear - is a big issue for me, because the more you wear it, the more likely you are to get to walk into a room full of people who like you and want to spend time with you. But the less you can take it off. People perceive you as confident - they assume you can get things done, they assume you'll be ok, they assume you won't freeze up and panic just attempting to make polite conversation...
2) The reason I'm better at wearing the mask than some people I know? I act. I role-play. I'm good at pretending.
3) No. But then I tend to assume no one could be that sort of person all the time just because I know I can't.
4) It's... something that they project. You can feel it. It can lift the mood of a group of people, get things going.
5) Depends on the person. Often, somewhat irritated, I have to admit. I often get a sense of false-modesty.
6) No.
7) As far as I can tell, there isn't one. I've never met anyone who was as confident as they looked...

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

I realise I've missed out on the part of confidence which goes with knowing you are good at something. Like... for me, that would be playing music in front of large groups of people. I'll sing concerts having skipped all the rehearsals because I have the confidence to know I'll put all the notes in the right place anyway. That's just... acurate knowledge of what you know, and often that's a bluff anyway. Like, if you show up to that concert pretending you know all the notes, and you stand up on stage and look like a professional, people tend to assume you got all the notes right whether you did or not. That's why I think it's always a bluff and not a measure of skill. *shrug*

[gatita-militar.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

I think the potential for it comes up mostly in decision making situations, so I consider it the feeling of resoluteness that comes from making a choice of re/action that when weighed against other possible choices has the greatest possibility for success (however success is defined in that situation).

That's not to say the choice you're confident of is actually the best one. You may have been fooling yourself/telling yourself what you want to hear.

2) Where does confidence come from?

Compiling/observing enough mistakes that you eventually learn which course of action in a given situation is the jinkiest. Yeah, that's right. I said jinkiest.

This can be underwritten by your actual desires acting towards self-delusion, but it doesn't have to be.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

If I can, it's only because I don't know them well enough.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

If they look/act certain of how to proceed in a given situation.

Given how I define confidence, it's not something that's a constant state. If someone tries to convince me that with them it is, I'm going to think either that they are either the diametric opposite and trying really hard not to let the cracks show, or they're deluded to a possibly dangerous degree.

I blame U.S. politics for thinking this.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

It depends how that manifests itself, and what our relationship is. If this is someone who is senior to me, who I am supposed to be going to for guidance or advice and instruction (manager, tutor, etc), it cheeses me off to no end.

If it's a social situation, they have an equal chance of triggering maternal impulses and making me seriously impatient. Depends on the details, and my mood.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

I'm not going to pretend I can reach into other people's heads. I doubt it, though.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

You can break down the act pretty quickly if you ask the right questions.

[elcampo.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

Either being certain of your own ability to deal with the situations you find yourself in, or at least certainty that you're going to be able to survive your own failure.

2) Where does confidence come from?

Succeeding at things really helps, especially succeeding alone and through your own efforts. Support from other people is good, but I tend the think the beneficial effect is indirect - knowing people like you is good, but them saying you're great doesn't mean a lot in itself. After all, if you're totally incompetent and hopeless then your friends would probably lie to you about it.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

Nope... you'd either have to believe you could do anything (and you'd probably be mad), or you'd have to not care about anything.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

Subtle things - but I think you usually can tell the difference between someone genuinely confident and someone merely acting that way. Things like body language and tone of voice and things probably all play a part.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

Depends on the circumstances. Sometimes its sweet, sometimes its annoying, sometimes it undermines my own confidence, sometimes is boosts it. It depends on how they express it, and what their relationship is to you. False confidence is almost always annoying, someone coming to you for help almost always gratifying. Professionally, it's usually worrying.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

Not if they're sensible.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

The internal sensation of power you get from genuine confidence. Although I tend to find that if I can act confident about something, genuine confidence often comes later... but perhaps it's easiest to act when you double-think anyway. From the perspective of others, it probably makes a difference only if they can tell you're faking it.

[theeighth.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
Pretending to be unafraid of failure when you're not. In turn that leading you to take risks, especially social risks, despite fear of that failure.

2) Where does confidence come from?
Experience of having taken risks and not failed. Preparation before the event also would increase confidence.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
Hmmm... no. But I can think of several people who are very confident, or would take a lot to have their confidence broken.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
They do things that others would not with a more apparent ease.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
Kept at a distance. Uneasy.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
I don't think so.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
There isn't one that I can see.
I'm often called confident, but I'm often crapping myself going in to those same situations, I just try and stay looking relaxed, and go for things when the fear says to pull back.

[kissifa.livejournal.com]

All my answers are taking confidence to mean "confidence in the self" rather than "confidence in others" or "confidence in a particular state of events".

1) Confidence is being sure of yourself, whether that's regarding personality, or abilities, or whatever.

2) Confidence comes from inside yourself. It's a current state of mind, regardless of what you have or haven't done in the past.

3) I've never talked to anyone about every aspect of themselves, so not really. However, I do know several people who are sure of their ability or non-ability in pretty much anything they'd turn their hand or mind to, so, if that counts then I'd say yes.

4) I listen to what they see and look at how they act. True confidence shows itself, and a false confidence rarely convinces people (unless that personis a good actor).

5) It depends how I feel about them. If I like them, then I feel sorry for them and try to encourage them to feel good about themselves. If I don't like them, then I generally try to avoid talking to them full stop. However, sometimes I wont care about their confidence, and equally sometimes their lack of confidence will fill me with contempt.

6) I wouldn't say a confident person "feels confident" per se, it's just something they are. So I guess the answer is yes (permitting brief distractions for sadness, anger, etc which a person will experience in daily life).

7) From my perspective, one is something I respect, and the other one fills me with contempt. People who act confident in a bullish fashion really bug me. Because they don't experience and hence don't understand what they're pretending to be, they more often than not miss the mark and act rude, or arrogant. Someone who is confident can also be arrogant, or a dick, but at least they're being true to who they are and not putting on an act. I don't understand why anyone acts confident if they're not: even in situations where you're told it would be a gain to you, like a job interview, you're not helping yourself in the long run cause the company are going to be disappointed that the person they hired is so different to the one they thought they were getting. It's also damaging to a person and knackering to keep up a pretense about your state of mind for prolonged periods, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. If you're not a confident person, then work on it - I don't believe that just pretending to be something will eventually drag you into being it. That's just delusional.

[cardinalsin.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

Belief that you will achieve a positive/successful outcome from whatever it is you are doing at the time. That could be specific, e.g. I am going to get this job, or general, e.g. I am generally going to make a positive impression on people around me.

Sometimes people use the term "confident" to mean someone who appears confident (see below).

2) Where does confidence come from?

I don't think there's a single answer to this. Some people are naturally optimistic about their chances of success and good stuff happening to them, others develop this attitude through actual experience of being successful. Others still are just good at appearing to be confident, either naturally or through practice. Ultimately, aside from specific scenarios, there seem to be people who are confident in general, and this seems to come from a kind of generalised self-belief (or ego?).

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

Complete is a very strong word. I can think of people who rarely seem anything but confident.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

People give off signs which may or may not be accurate (body language, verbal signs, apparent indications that they believe they will succeed - for example if I believe I am going to pass my job interview I might make spending plans that I couldn't otherwise support, and so on). Any of these might be an indication that the person is good at bluffing, or such.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

It depends on the situation. If I'm relying on them to succeed in some way and they are clearly projecting that they won't succeed, then I'll start to feel quite worried, likely begin questioning them, suggesting alternate courses of action. If we're talking the generalised (non-)confidence that I described above, I'd probably feel that I want to support them and prop them up by being friendly towards them - while at the same time feeling a bit concerned that my behaviour might adversely impact on them. Being around someone who is not feeling confident can be trying, because you often feel like anything you say or do might make them worse.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

See above distinction between general and specific confidence. I'd be surprised if there was anyone who literally always felt confident.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

If you are confident, you'll have a positive attitude towards what you are doing. If you are acting confident, you'll merely appear to have a positive attitude. Interestingly I would say that people who merely act confident tend to go the whole hog and make it seem as though they are completely confident in everything, rather than merely projecting confidence in the particular area at hand (for example, they would project a positive attitude not merely towards winning the race, but about themself and their abilities in general).

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

A limited belief in unknown facts, especially of the future:

"How confident are you that you can get this done by the end of the week?" -- "I'm pretty confident. If nothing unexpected happens it'll be done Thursday morning, but there might well be some minor thing I've missed".

"How confident are you that you make a good impression on people you meet?" -- "Not at all, I'm continually afraid that the next thing I say will humiliate me, or that they already dislike me".

"How confident are you that you passed the exam?" -- "Not sure. If they liked my second essay then it'll be fine, but that was a 50/50 gamble".

There is false confidence just as there is false belief, so one can be over-confident or under-confident either because of bad information or irrational effects.

Confidence also means self-confidence, which I think is about your confidence that what you're doing is the "right" (morally, tactically, or whatever) thing, and whether you'll be able to handle (emotionally, practically, or whatever) upcoming events.

2) Where does confidence come from?

I follow others here in saying empirical evidence, but that's not good enough to overcome irrational fears, or irrational over-confidence. So I'd say also there's a calmness of mind which allows people to proceed rationally (if not analytically, for those who aren't that kind of thinker), and which is also needed for a true feeling of confidence.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

To be "completely confident" of something means that you absolutely believe it is correct. The last thing you want at work, for example, is someone who was always completely confident they will meet their deadline. You know they'll be wrong eventually, and in the mean time you can't tell when their deadline is at risk and needs contingency planning.

I know (of) people who never admit that they could possibly make a mistake, and never appear to act with equivocation. I'm not sure whether they're confident, bluffing and/or deluded.

I suppose that it is possible to be completely confident that one's decisions and actions are always the best under the circumstances and given limited knowledge. Someone could believe that they will always do their best, either morally or in terms of whatever other outcomes they try to achieve.

As such, you could always be confident of your actions even where you're uncertain what that outcome will actually be (and hence not confident of your results). And you might be confident that emotionally you can handle anything, even if you concede that in a fistfight with Jet Li, your abilities will fail you.

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

Someone who is hesitant, indecisive, or who keeps changing their mind is obviously thinking quite hard about what they're doing and is probably unsure of the correct approach. So while they might in the end come up with the right answer, they clearly aren't confident of it yet. Still, they might be confident of and comfortable with the fact that they have no confidence in their answer :-)

In social situations, someone who speaks willingly, and follows up on what they say, is confident that nothing too bad is going to happen as a result of that interaction. Someone who doesn't do those things is cautious or afraid of the situation.

Generally, if someone is willing to accept a penalty if they're wrong, then they're at least somewhat confident. But as cardinalsin very rightly says, bluffing does affect this.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

Depends what's at stake. When it's a matter of their confidence in something I want, or am planning to rely on, then perhaps frustrated at their inability to help me. Even angry, if I feel that they have a responsibility to be confident. "I can't say whether it'll be morning or afternoon" is a notorious case.

If it's that they're "not confident" socially in the sense of "shy", then usually I figure that I need to let them get to a topic or style of interaction that they're comfortable with, so I suppose I'm trying to feel sympathy.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

Confidence is both a state of knowledge and an emotion so I'd say no, it's inherently variable. A "happy person" doesn't always feel happy. But generally there are kinds of situation in which particular people are confident, and they can always feel confident in those. So you might have someone who is, for example, always confident he won't make a fool of himself chatting someone up in a bar.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

Holding a royal flush is being confident. Going all in is acting confident.

[floralaetifica.livejournal.com]

Interesting perspective.

Holding a royal flush is being confident. Going all in is acting confident.

Holding a royal flush is being lucky. It may result in you having a *feeling* of confidence, but that's not the same thing. And it can have no impact on confidence-in-the-sense-of-personality-trait. Eurch, so much imprecise language affecting this topic: 'confidence' means too many different things.

[smallbluesphere.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
Confidence is beliving in and trusting yourself.

2) Where does confidence come from?
Realising that all the little flaws that you see in everything you do aren't seen by other people.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
No. In general, these days, I'm pretty bloody confident, but even I have low points, mostly late at night in the dark on my own. I think everyone does.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
Hmm. I don't know, I'm not good at that sort of thing. I find it something I generally learn about someone as I get to know them better.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
It depends on the person. For example: I have several friends who have confidence issues, with one I simply offer reassurance, with another I get frustrated as they never seem to take the good advice everyone gives them with a third who asks for advice in a sensible way, I always try to give it in an equally sensible way. Some generalisation in that answer.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
See 3. I very much doubt it.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?
Acting confident is, I suspect, what quite a lot of us do, at least to start with, although you still doubt your abilities you get on with things anyway and hope.
Being confident can follow from acting confident, when you realise that by acting confident you've been able to get on and do something, and all the little problems and flaws you see in it aren't seen by everyone else and you realise that, actually, you've done well, and that you can actually do this, and maybe all those little problems and flaws don't matter.

Wow, I found those much harder to answer than I first thought, and I ended up being much more verbose on that last answer than what I wanted to be. Interesting.

ObHelpful

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as...
Parklife!

Re: ObHelpful

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

I think it's not: Confidence (n.) A preference for the habitual voyeur of what is known as Parklife, but: For the habitual voyeur of what is known as Parklife, confidence is a preference.

[mrlloyd.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?
The belief that you can succeed, whether founded on reason, experience, optimism or self-deception.

2) Where does confidence come from?
See above. I think mine tends to come from the first two (I have done this before so I can again / I have done similar things, or even just things of similar difficulty so this should be analogous).

Oh, and beer. Those who knew me years ago will remember the beer.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?
No. Not even after beer.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?
They will be calm and decisive. This is on account of being confident and not needing to invoke excessive amounts of adrenaline / thought to achieve whatever they're doing. In line with the earlier comments about practising virtue it's amazing how much just 'taking some decisions' can instill confidence in someone / a team / whatever.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?
Not at all confident. (see how this works)

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?
No, but I do think people develop a level of confidence that they tend to return to. Over time you can raise or lower this through reason, experience, optimism and self deception.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

Between thirty seconds and two minutes depending on the situation and your powers of self-deception.


Oh, and generating this many comments on a thread really should be good for your confidence. You ask great questions dude!

[sesquipedality.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

A feeling of ease with yourself and your situation.

2) Where does confidence come from?

Kindness to yourself.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

Yes and no. I know a couple of people who are totally at ease in any social situation they find themselves in. I suspect however that it's a mask for insecurity.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

Erm, observation?

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

Fine. I try to put them at ease, but that can be quite hard sometimes.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

Nope. A confident person may often by quaking on the inside. The point is they don't like it show.

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, then it's fair to assume it's a duck.

In summary ... practice.

[chaosdeathfish.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

Trusting in your own abilities, accept your failings and not let fears and doubts get in your way. I tend to see confidence and fear as opposite poles.

2) Where does confidence come from?

From my last answer: lack of fear. Or not so much lack of fear, but the ability to stop fear interfering with your actions.

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

No. But going by my previous answers, you'd have to be insane to be completely confident.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

They have their own opinions and aren't afraid of letting them be known, or of doing what they want to and not just going with the crowd. But equally, they're not afraid of listening to other people, being corrected or going with everyone else when they want to.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

It depends on the situation and the person. Sometimes I want to help them, but often I'm not quite sure how (often just asking questions and being interested in the answers helps). Sometimes it makes me self-conscious and gives me social anxiety. Sometimes it just annoys me.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

No. See (3). Even extremely confident people have doubts sometimes. And the state of your body can have huge affects on your state of mind (a fact I keep forgetting).

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

Acting confident is pretending that you're not scared of a situation while the fear is eating at you. Being confident is either not having the fear or being able to deal with it in a rational way and not let it get to you.

It's interesting, there seems to be a split between those who think acting confident can help you to be confident and those who don't. My opinion is that you can get confidence by succeeding at things, and if acting confident helps you succeed and push away the fear of failing that's all to the good. Although it's better to mix success and failure and realise that Getting It Wrong isn't something to be scared of.