Talking about confidence

[chrisvenus]

I read something that suggested that finding out more about confidence from the point of view of others was helpful to building your own self-confidence. So here we go. I am at times very un-confident in myself so I am going to ask a few questions to get people going on the subject. If you want to add in more comments or questions then feel free. I have a vague feeling I did something similar before but now I'm copying from a book so it will be much better. Anonymous posting welcome if you don't want to put your name to your answers. :)

1) What do you think confidence is?

2) Where does confidence come from?

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

and my own one for number 7:

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?


I will try to put up my own answers later but I don't have time right now.

Comments

[cardinalsin.livejournal.com]

1) What do you think confidence is?

Belief that you will achieve a positive/successful outcome from whatever it is you are doing at the time. That could be specific, e.g. I am going to get this job, or general, e.g. I am generally going to make a positive impression on people around me.

Sometimes people use the term "confident" to mean someone who appears confident (see below).

2) Where does confidence come from?

I don't think there's a single answer to this. Some people are naturally optimistic about their chances of success and good stuff happening to them, others develop this attitude through actual experience of being successful. Others still are just good at appearing to be confident, either naturally or through practice. Ultimately, aside from specific scenarios, there seem to be people who are confident in general, and this seems to come from a kind of generalised self-belief (or ego?).

3) Can you think of someone who is completely confident?

Complete is a very strong word. I can think of people who rarely seem anything but confident.

4) How can you tell if someone is confident or not?

People give off signs which may or may not be accurate (body language, verbal signs, apparent indications that they believe they will succeed - for example if I believe I am going to pass my job interview I might make spending plans that I couldn't otherwise support, and so on). Any of these might be an indication that the person is good at bluffing, or such.

5) How do you feel when you talk to someone who is not at all confident?

It depends on the situation. If I'm relying on them to succeed in some way and they are clearly projecting that they won't succeed, then I'll start to feel quite worried, likely begin questioning them, suggesting alternate courses of action. If we're talking the generalised (non-)confidence that I described above, I'd probably feel that I want to support them and prop them up by being friendly towards them - while at the same time feeling a bit concerned that my behaviour might adversely impact on them. Being around someone who is not feeling confident can be trying, because you often feel like anything you say or do might make them worse.

6) Does a confident person always feel confident?

See above distinction between general and specific confidence. I'd be surprised if there was anyone who literally always felt confident.

7) What is the difference between being confident and acting confident?

If you are confident, you'll have a positive attitude towards what you are doing. If you are acting confident, you'll merely appear to have a positive attitude. Interestingly I would say that people who merely act confident tend to go the whole hog and make it seem as though they are completely confident in everything, rather than merely projecting confidence in the particular area at hand (for example, they would project a positive attitude not merely towards winning the race, but about themself and their abilities in general).