Bad Cinemas (and bad technobabble)

[chrisvenus]

Well, this article is really just about one bad cinema. Or really just about one screen in one cinema. You see, I went to watch Prince Caspian the other day and due to the timings of showings the Vue (my usual first choice) wasn't an option so I found myself in town at the Odeon. Screen 3 in particular.

The first time alarm bells were ringing was during the opening credits when I realised that when they were flashing up the actos and other stuff on screen at the beginning the ones on the left of the screen were truncated. Yup. The screen was showing only part of their names and chopping off the left side. As some of the lighter bits of the film showed it became clear that the problem was that they were projecting onto the curtains at the sides of the screen.

Then for the end credits it became obvious that this wasn't there only problem and they were in fact projecting a trapezium onto the screen that made the end credits look a little bit like the scrolling text at the beginning of Star Wars.

I muttered and moaned and vowed never to go back but I thought on the way out as I saw somebody who looked like they might be able to do something (as opposed to somebody who was just there to clean up the old popcorn containers) that I would report the problems.

So I told this bloke about the issues and he told me what the problem was. The curtain moving stuff was apparently broken and due to be replaced on thursday. And apparently, and more importantly, the image was trapeziumed because they were "having to fight against gravity". Yes, you heard it hear first. Odeon cinema george street, screen 3 has gravitational anomalies which apparently distort the spacetime contiuum enough that their projectors can't compensate.

I think what he was trying to say (or at least I'm pretty sure the reason was) that the projector was much higher than the screen and so without making adjustments you are going to get that kind of effect. When I pointed out to him that the projector that probably cost a couple of hundred quid that we use at work can adjust for this his most excellent and informative reply was to let me know that the circuit board that controlled the curtains was broken and was being replaced on Thursday (that's tomorrow though why he thought I cared that much I don't know).

I was mildly bemused by this guys responses. I would have been quite happy with an answer along the lines of "Thank you for letting us know. The problem is one we are aware of and we are doing our best to resolve it." or "Oh, I'll let the manager know about that so he can deal with it". I just got the impression instead that this guy was trying to make himself sound like he knew what he was talking about to satisfy the customer with technobabble. Its a shame really that he opened with "the projetor is having to fight against gravity".

I'm not sure that even after Thursday when they will hopefully have replaced the circuitboard for the curtains, that I will willingly go back to the odeon without some very compelling reasons. Its just more hastle, not as good a cinema and apparently attended by lots of people who can't turn up for a film on time (though it was amusing to see some people who apparently weren't sure how an aisle worked and kept trying to walk through chairs - I really have no idea what was going on there).

Anyway, that was a bit of a rant but mainly just to share the bad technobabble. :)

Oh, and he did actually after a while agree that he would get somebody to look at calibrating their projector properly...

Comments

[ar-gemlad.livejournal.com]

So hang on - it's a problem they already knew about, and yet didn't tell you before you bought your ticket, and they didn't offer any kind of compensation?
And then they get you to blog about 'bad gravity' instead of them ripping you off! I was going to rant about their customer service, but I think they might be evil customer service geniuses :)

[chrisvenus]

Yeah, in hindsight I wish I'd asked how long they'd had the problem for. And I think they said that the films they'd been showing in their hand been standard widescreen as opposed to anamorphic widescreen. I think this means basically they usually show 16:9 which didn't need the extra width where the curtains were but Caspian was 2.35:1 so did need the extra width so although they knew it was broken they hadn't realised it would be a problem for that film.

Any which way I am generally unimpressed and not going back. Also I'd have felt bad about askign for a refund because the film was clearly watchable enough for me to stay to the end. If i'd left part way because of it I'd expect a refund but given I stayed til the very end of the film I don't think I can claim it was unwatchable or anything and thus I deserve money back.

[innokenti.livejournal.com]

It is quite telling that the cinema was in England.

Why wasn't everyone jumping out of their chairs to complain about inadequate service? Which it very clearly was.

I mean... remember those adverts about piracy? How you supposedly have rubbish sound and a crappy picture, so don't do it and experience it properly in the cinema? Yeah. Sticks is what you needed.

[chrisvenus]

In all fairness the trapezium was only really noticeable for the end credits and the amount of screen estate lost on the sides wasn't that significant at all. I have gone and complained about more serious issues in the past (like bad focus) but this just wasn't really an issue in actual fact if I'd said that originally though it would have ruined my story about a man and his problems with gravity.

[innokenti.livejournal.com]

Nothing should get in the way of a good gravity story :D

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I don't understand the problem with the projector.

The curtains is a mechanical failure, and the people running the cinema are not mechanics. But assuming that the screen hasn't moved, the projector hasn't moved, and the projector is working normally, they should have had it set up for years. Maybe they ought to hire a specialist in the area. Maybe they could call it a "projectionist" :)

[chrisvenus]

I was charitably assumign they may have to move the projector, swap them in and out and stuff like that from time to time. A quick look at anamorphic projection implied there might be a special lens for it (that was a quick look thoguh so might be wrong) in which case it might need setting up after that is done. I basically like to think if it had been like that for years they'd have done something about it...

[wimble.livejournal.com]

My point was: running a projector is their main business. They should be able to move projectors, swap them in and out, and use the right lenses. Being unable to do so is sheer incompentancy.

If they said they'd dropped all the lenses the day before, and broken them, then the projectionist would have an excuse. But then you'd get to blame whoever dropped them.

[chrisvenus]

Ah, well yes, I would agree with you there then (and sorry for missing your point the first time). I have totally lost faith in the competenceof that cinema and really won't be going back again...

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

Oxford has only one trained projectionist (or did as of two years ago), and he is a very unavailable and unreliable old man. A friend used to run the Magdalen film society and had to cancel an all day showing of cremaster cycle - which since there are very few copies in existance, the one we had for five days was worth 100,000s fo pounds and so no-one could touch it, and was the first time the whole cycle had been shown in the uk (it still hasn't i believe) and people were coming from scotland and france to see it... was rather upsetting and tragic.

[wimble.livejournal.com]

Seriously? One? In all the cinemas?

We've got 10 at Vue, 1 at Magdalen Street, 3 at George Street, 3 (I think) at the Phoenix, and finally the UPP. So that's 14 screens from national chains, and 4 localised ones. And there only one trained projectionist? How do these people run their cinemas then?

I'll concede that an experimental amateur might be able to run a short film, with no reel changes etc, but surely running full length films, and multiple screens requires a full-time professional (whether trained or not; it's their job to know what they're doing).

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

Hmm, well I wasn't counting Vue - they might have someone from out of the centre, but certainly this guy does the rounds of the others.

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

Also given the number of badly focused, off-centre films I seen in .ox it doesn't surprise me hugely.

[chrisvenus]

There are 2 screens at magdalen street and 6 I think (definitely more than 3) at george street. The george street expanded during one of their redevelopments (about 3 or 4 years ago maybe?) but I'm sure the magd street cinema has had that little screen upstairs since I can remember (ie best part of 10 years).

Your point stands, I just thought I'd let you know that you are showing how long it is since you last went to cinema in town. :)

[zorac.livejournal.com]

The upstairs screen at Magdalen Street went in at the same time they re-did George Street (split the old upstairs screen in two, added the dinky upstairs screen and the downstairs one way down the back). I don't remember when they did it, but certainly since I came up to Oxford (when they were ABC rather than Odeon). Hmmm.

Coming back to the original post, I also saw Prince Caspian and George Street, and while there we no video issues, we did have some annoying sound popping...

I've been to the Vue approximately once. Likess: stadium seating. Dislikes: takes around a week to get there via public transport...

[chrisvenus]

Am I right in thinking they redid them when they changed from ABC to odeon? I'm sure they did some revamping then but I think they also might have done more work elsewhen...

And I have transport so Vue doesn't have that disadvantage for me. I'm also currently living in Rose Hill so I could probably walk there in about 30 minutes if I really felt the urge. :)

[onebyone.livejournal.com]

running a projector is their main business.

Selling popcorn and Coke is their main business. Running the projectors is just their loss-leader.

[cjholding.livejournal.com]

Anamorphic will require a different lens to stretch the horizontal dimension of the frame (as the film is the same width and runs at the same speed as for standard 16:9 frames).

[chrisvenus]

Ah yes, that makes sense then. I thought that was roughly the case but didn't like to say with any confidence. :)

Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Chris: The projections seemed to be going off the edges of the screen.

Cinema Monkey: That's because the curtains hide a subspacial doorway to photon-consuming post-corporal-beings from the future and we have to feed them light or they will consume our retinas.

Chris: And it was a bit trapezoic.

Cinema Monkey: Oh, that's just gravity. The dachyon particle field we use to hold back the post-corps has a few bugs. Someone's coming around to recalibrate the earth's gavitic constant tomorrow.

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[chrisvenus]

Didn't I see that in an episode of star trek?

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

It's a scene from the upcoming movie.

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Don't you mean tachyon? ;oP

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Sadly I do mean Dachyon. Though internet searching tells me that the made up particle that solves sooo many Voyager plots with extreme technobabbling is written "Dekyon".

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, sorry, tachyons are the real hypothetical particles. I mixed up my Trek and real physics. Interestingly, the German dub uses the "correct" term which might have been the cause of my error (despite not having seen a German episode in years).

However, I can still find very few references to Dachyons.

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Yep, according to various Trek sites, it may be probounced Dachyon, but it's written dekyon. Apparently Tachyons don't actually open up quantum singularities... whoda thunk it?

Re: Bad Cinemas (and good technobabble)

[karohemd.livejournal.com]

I blame Michael Okuda. ;o) What about wormholes?